Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Jewish Group Responds to Harlan Ellison

Hebrew-Americans Lobbying For Color-Offended Communities Kicked by Ellison and Disciples (HALF-COCKED) announced its solidarity this morning with the Carl Brandon Society in denouncing author Harlan Ellison, whose alleged statements last week on his web page left the entire science fiction community in a state of outrage and bewilderment.

"It deeply saddened me to read what people are saying about Ellison," said Dr. Feivel Fahrdrayt, spokesman for HALF-COCKED. "It doesn’t matter if Ellison actually said those things about this person, or if he even meant those things—what’s important is that he said something and everyone knows it’s best to say nothing."

Fahrdrayt said his group has followed Ellison’s career since 1962. He believes the author’s extensive work on behalf of the Equal Rights Amendment, his march to Selma, Ala., with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., and numerous other well-publicized actions on behalf of women and minorities were actually a well-developed ruse to mask the author’s genuine misogynistic and racist feelings. "The fact that he was able to fool everyone for six decades is a testament to Ellison’s diabolical nature," said Fahrdrayt.

Fahrdrayt noted that Ellison has, for years, taken verbal jabs at Judaism, the State of Israel, and even G-d Almighty Hims-lf. "It’s a shondah," he said. "First Ellison came for the Jews, then he came for the Blacks (you’re still allowed to say Blacks, nu?), and eventually he'll come for the trade unionists, and then there will be nobody to stand up. Who can stand?"

In response to the recent incident, an emergency summit was held in Teaneck, NJ, in the back of Noah's Ark Deli, with members of HALF-COCKED and other delegates from the World Zionist Banking Organization, LLC, where it was decided to immediately revoke Mr. Ellison’s bris and ask the waiter for a second plate of half-sour pickles. Fahrdrayt says the foreskin, which is no longer the property of the donor, will not be returned to Ellison. Instead, at the behest of Jewish-American Bloggers for Black Americans Targeted by Harlan Ellison’s Hurtful, Unpolite Tirade (JABBA-THE-HUT), the 75-year-old foreskin will be donated to a stem-cell research organization, where it is expected to be harvested to create hundreds of new bloggers.